Category: Humor

MS Word now the authority

Bobby

Looks like MS Word is now the authority on how popular a word is. The International Astronomical Union (IAU) wants to use the word ‘pluton’ to describe a planet that isn’t really a planet (or something – like anybody really cares). Appearantly this is an issue because ‘pluton’ already has a meaning to geologists (geek death-match here we come).

What I think is funny is this statement from Owen Gingerich, an astronomer at Harvard University in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and chair of the IAU committee that created the definition.

“Since the term is not in the MS Word or the WordPerfect spell checkers, we thought it was not that common,”

What kind of moron takes MS Word spell check as an authority on ANYTHING. At least Google the word, or look it up in a dictionary.

Pack your gel

Bobby

Well, I haven’t posted anything lately. Off to California tomorrow to see Kara and Joe and I’ve been busier than a one legged man at a butt-kicking contest. Did have a couple posts I wanted to make before I left though.

As I’m getting ready for my trip I’ve been watching the current state of the airline security closely. One of the most amusing things I’ve seen is the TSA’s restriction on gel-filled bras. I won’t succumb to the cheap shot of making fun of them for requiring everyone to pack a gel-filled bra. My question is who is making sure no women are WEARING gel-filled bras. Does every woman with (appaerantly) large breasts have to prove they are real? Can I look forward to a plane full of braless women because their gel-filled undergarments have been confiscated? Most importantly, how can I get the bra inspector job? (I’ve wanted that since Jr. High).

So much of this airline security is just theatre and this is just a ridiculous example. For a critical view of our nations security policies I would highly recommend you read Bruce Schneier’s monthly newsletter.

‘Til Death Do Us Part

Bobby

So what’s the deal with weddings? Why are they so boring? We read stories and watch movies where all these romantic types come barging in at the last minute to stop the ceremony, professing never ending love. When does this happen in real life? Where are the scandals? Where are the shotguns? Why doesn’t the bride ever leave the Groom ‘at the altar’? I’ve been to literally hundreds of weddings in my life and I have seen a scandal exactly 0 times.

The closest I ever came to seeing a scandal was when one of the groomsmen locked his knees and passed out. It was tragic, and kind of funny later, but not scandalous at all. Seems like these days there’s just not any good drama in a wedding. Sure, there’s the whole crazy mother/bridezilla thing, but the bride and groom always manage to stand up there and say I Do.

Maybe that’s the real problem here. Maybe saying ‘I Do’ is just too easy. These days everybody even writes their own vows. How silly is that, of course I’m going to agree to something I wrote. It’s almost meaningless – kind of like signing a confession at the police station. I think there should be a new custom. Rather than writing your OWN vows, you should write the vows for your partner.

The groom could write vows for the bride that were something like

I give you this ring, wear it with love and joy. I choose you to be my husband: to have and to hold, from this day forward. as long as we both shall live. And hereto, I pledge you my faithfulness to always keep the house clean and never vacuum during Monday Night Football.

And the bride could provide something along the lines of

I give you this ring, wear it with love and joy. I choose you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward for better or for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. I pledge to you I will never leave the toilet seat up and promise to generate at least a 10% annual increase in overall revenue for the family as long as we both shall live.

How much more interesting would this make weddings. In fact, to support this initiative, and keep things hopping until it catches on, if you have upcoming nuptials you should just slip a couple extra lines into the vows. I’m betting you could get your future spouse to agree to all kinds of crazy stuff if you spring it on her during the ceremony. Just give the preacher and extra $20 and get a perpetual right to flirt with Suzy down at the bank for the rest of your life (or at least until the annullment papers show up).